


Harley Keener vs. The Big Gay Problem

by ProsperDemeter



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M, Multi, OT3, Roommates, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:40:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24373687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProsperDemeter/pseuds/ProsperDemeter
Summary: Harley Keener had a problem.Well, okay, Harley Keener had many problems but, currently, at that very moment, he had a Problem. It was a fundamental fact that Harley was a Disaster Gay and, when faced with two very attractive roommates Harley could only have what was to be labeled as a Big Gay Problem.
Relationships: Harley Keener/Peter Parker/Harry Osborn
Comments: 8
Kudos: 126





	Harley Keener vs. The Big Gay Problem

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how this happened. Enjoy?

Harley Keener had a problem. 

Well, okay, Harley Keener had  _ many  _ problems but, currently, at that very moment, he had a Problem. It was a fundamental fact that Harley was a Disaster Gay and, when faced with two  _ very _ attractive roommates Harley could only have what was to be labeled as a Big Gay Problem. 

It was almost like they didn't even  _ know _ . Peter spent half his time wandering their apartment shirtless and the other half demonstrating how exactly he was the world's smartest person bar, maybe, Reed Richards. He did stupid things for Harley like  _ make him breakfast  _ almost every morning and record every show that Harley even vaguely mentioned wanting to watch. He dragged Harley out of bed in the mornings too in order to go for a run and always made sure there was a fresh pot of coffee. He never complained when Harley went on a cleaning spree or decided spontaneously to buy a shit ton of plants to clean the air in the apartment. Falling for Peter Parker was as quick, painless and  _ heart-wrenching _ as Harley suspected it was always meant to be. 

Harry was the complete opposite - instead of shirtless he tended to steal both Peter or Harley's hoodies for warmth (nevermind that Harley's were way too long or Peter's too broad in the shoulders). He spent half his time reminding Harley that he was  _ painfully  _ one of the world's youngest billionaire CEOs and the other half being so completely  _ adorable  _ that Harley forgot he was supposed to be annoyed. Harry wasn't selfless but he did little things, like, organize a cleaning chart for them when Harley got too stressed cleaning himself. He made sure they always had all of their favorite foods stocked (as well as their favorite booze), paid more than his fair share of bills without complaint (or even letting them  _ see  _ the bills) and pretended he didn't see Harley when he was on this tenth cup of coffee because he couldn't sleep. Falling for Harry Osborn was slow, painful and shocking - much like Harley came to learn the man himself was. 

So, really, Harley had a problem. A Big Gay problem.

Because they were both  _ horrendously  _ out of his league. 

"Harry," Peter shoved at their roommate's shoulder when he ignored him yet again in favor of staring almost incomprehensively at his phone. Peter had dragged them both up at the ass crack of dawn, citing the need for an  _ apartment meeting  _ (whatever that meant) and then proceeded to make them all breakfast and coffee and be so disgustingly  _ awake _ that Harley almost considered punching him. Only he wouldn't ever do that because Peter's face was perfect in a way that made Harley's heart hurt. "Put your phone down, we're having a meeting." 

"Who are you even talking to this early?" Harley asked even though he knew Harry wasn't a person that functioned before three cups of coffee and Harry was only on his first. 

Harry grunted in answer but sent Harley that fucking  _ smile  _ that did something absolutely horrible to Harley's insides. Which was incredibly unfair because Peter hadn't deemed this meeting shirt necessary and, instead, wore only loose fitting sweatpants and an apron. It was a bright pink apron too - a stupid housewarming gift Harley's sister - Abbie - had sent when he first moved. "Business can wait." Peter put a firm yet gentle hand on the screen of Harry's phone and  _ pushed _ until it fell out of his hands and onto the table. Sometimes Harley thought that Peter knew more about Harry than he did - Peter got this  _ look _ in his eye whenever Harry was frowning in the way that made his eyebrows crease that was downright wrong to be on his face. He was wearing it now, the frown on his forehead almost mocking of the smile on his face. 

" _ Why _ are we up?" Harley whined when it seemed the other two were simply going to stare at each other instead of actually  _ talk. _

"We need to talk." Peter reiterated for what had to be the fifth time without giving any real information. 

"About  _ what _ ?" Harley traded a look that spoke of agony and exhaustion with Harry. 

Harley was used to early mornings - Peter usually dragged him out of bed to go running and Harley  _ hated  _ running. How Harry managed to avoid it was beyond him, Peter was an absolute menace of a morning person. Harley was well aware of how Peter got  _ him  _ up in the morning to go running - having literal sunshine stare you in the eye and getting to see Peter one on one and  _ sweaty _ did things to Harley that he would rather not admit. Then again, seeing Harry in  _ his  _ oversized hoodie from his high school also did things to Harley that he'd rather not think about. 

Peter seemed absolutely  _ floored  _ by the question which made Harley think that they weren't even having a meeting at all. How absolutely  _ Peter  _ of him. "I…" He floundered and then slammed a plate full of steaming pancakes on the table between them. "Have a pancake!" 

Harry seemingly caught on if Harley was to take his head suddenly hitting the table to mean anything other than  _ exhaustion.  _ Harley wanted to join him in the dramatics but he actually, also, really wanted a pancake. Peter made the  _ best _ pancakes. "It's been a while since the three of us have really had some alone time, you know?" Peter said with his back to them and sausage sizzling in a pan. "Today is the only day we all have free so I thought we should spend it together!" 

Midway through a fork full of maple syrup dripping pancake Harley noticed that Harry's eyes had slid shut again. "How late did he stay up?" Harley asked around the bite, more than a little concerned with the fact that Harry could fall asleep almost anywhere. 

Peter hummed but never actually turned around to look at the two of them. "How're your classes going?" 

Had Harry even  _ gone _ to bed? He had still been awake when Harley had gone to sleep at eleven and Harley remembered hearing him and Peter talking at two. Did  _ Peter _ even sleep? It was six in the morning and Harley had a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that Peter would willingly get less than five hours of sleep. Someone on  _ his _ health regime? Seemed fishy. Harley answered absentmindedly, reaching behind him to the couch for a pillow to place under Harry's head when Peter  _ finally _ turned around. "Is he?" Peter actually sounded downtrodden and Harley froze, pillow in one hand and pancake halfway to his mouth in the other. 

"Yes?" He didn't know why it was a question or why he felt as though he had just been caught doing something he shouldn't. 

Peter sighed and dropped into the chair across from Harry but next to Harley, his face buried in his hands. "I just wanted to do something nice." He spoke the words into his palms as though they could absorb the misery he projected with hunched bare shoulders and a haphazard apron around his waist. 

Harley swallowed but still moved Harry's head onto the pillow and barely resisted the urge to pet his soft orange hair. "Well," He was bad at comforting anyone that wasn't his sister. Harley was much better with machines than people and Peter was too much of a people pleaser to not know that already. "Uh… we both really appreciate the sentiment?" He hoped he wasn't lying. Harry genuinely seemed to care if Peter did anything for him - seemed almost caught off guard when Peter or Harley did anything that didn't have an ulterior motive - and Harley really did love the mornings he had Peter's undivided attention. 

Peter looked up, smiled around the blush on his cheeks and looked ridiculously  _ too handsome _ before reaching for his own pancake. Harry let out a small sigh and buried his face farther into the couch pillow and… well Harley was so obviously  _ gone _ for both of them. 

But at least the breakfast was good? 

* * *

The first time Harley kissed Peter was after a run while Harry was back at home doing what both of them could only hope was sleeping. Harley thought that they both knew that he was probably still working - though whether it was on the company he didn't want or homework he couldn't guess. Still, it was nice to have Peter to himself for once. And Harley really enjoyed watching him run. 

He wasn't even the one to kiss Peter. Harley was  _ never _ that bold and even if Peter laid out all of the facts in front of him and declared his intentions for the world to hear Harley  _ still _ wouldn't have kissed him first. Perhaps it was the southern gentleman in him or, more likely, it was the fact that Harley was too scared to assume or want to deal with the consequences of assuming wrong. He treasured Peter's friendship too much to lose it. 

So, they had been jogging and then they had collapsed under the bright and soft morning sun on top of dewy grass. Harley had currently been reminding himself exactly  _ why  _ he agreed to go running with Peter when he would much rather be at home sleeping and struggling to catch his breath. And  _ Peter  _ had been staring in a way that Harley tried very hard to ignore. 

It had been quick, the kiss that Peter leaned over to press to his lips, but it had stolen Harley's breath more than the run had. They were sweaty and disgusting but Harley couldn't think of anything other than the look on Peter's face when he pulled away - shy and bold at the same time. "You…" because Harley could have  _ sworn _ that Peter liked  _ Harry _ . 

"Sorry?" He didn't  _ sound _ sorry. 

"Don't be." Or maybe he should be… Harley wasn't sure of anything besides the fact that he wanted to press his mouth against Peter's again. 

Peter smiled, the asshole, before leaning back in again. This time it wasn't short or sweet or  _ quick _ but a long, soft and amazing press of lips. He could feel the residual heat from the workout bleeding off of Peter's cheeks but he couldn't find it in him to care much when he was also incredibly sweaty. 

They stayed that way until an older man ran by, scoffing a bit under his breath as he passed them. The walk back to the apartment was quiet and full of soft brushes of their fingertips together as they walked and Harley had almost completely forgotten about Harry until they walked back into the apartment and saw that he was up. Harry had fixed all three of them coffee, was dressed unfairly in a suit that cost more than Harley's four years of college tuition and pressed a gentle kiss to  _ both  _ their cheeks on his way through them to the door. 

He shared a look with Peter, thought the shade of pink on his cheeks was  _ interesting _ and then excused himself to the shower before Peter could even move from the doorway. 

It was a disaster, Harley decided with his forehead against the cold tile and shorts noticeably tight. He couldn't be attracted to  _ both  _ of them. 

* * *

The first time Harley kissed  _ Harry _ it was a spur of the moment action. They were standing out on the balcony, a cigarette balancing between Harry's pale fingers and hair messed up only in the way it got when he had had a distressingly complicated day. Peter had fallen asleep halfway through their movie night and Harley had stepped outside for fresh air and a quick video chat with Abbie. Harry had arrived only a few minutes after Harley had hung up the phone, cigarette between his lips and in  _ another _ one of Peter's hoodies. For a man with so much money Harry much preferred taking other people's clothes instead of buying his own. 

It was confusing what seeing Harry in Peter's hoodie did to Harley's emotions. There was no jealousy but something that ran hot and deeper. Seeing Harry in Peter's hoodie, hair askew and a cigarette between his lips only made that  _ something  _ run deeper. "You should quit, you know." 

Peter  _ hated _ when Harry smoked and, really, Harley considered it a disgusting habit too. The smell would be clogging his senses for days. "I know." Harry put the butt out and leaned on his forearms on the metal railing. 

"You good?" Harley asked only because Harry looked like he needed it. 

He hadn't  _ meant _ to kiss him, honest. But the way Harry's dark eyelashes fluttered against his cheeks when he sighed made him look absolutely  _ tragic _ so he couldn't exactly be blamed for grabbing his roommate by the chin and pressing his lips against Harry's. 

Harry tasted like cigarette smoke and ice cream from that night and Harley  _ shouldn't  _ have done it - especially not when he had been sharing kisses with Peter recently - but Harry  _ kissed him back _ . Really, they were all at fault there. Harley wouldn't have kissed Harry if Peter had bothered to give them a label and Harry shouldn't have let Harley kiss him when he  _ knew  _ Harley and Peter were sort of an item. 

No… that was wrong. 

It was  _ all _ Harley's fault. 

He considered smoking, just for a moment, when Harry pulled away, lips spit red and smiled that small,  _ real _ smile of his before bidding him a soft goodnight. Instead he just let his forehead clang against the railing and thought about moving back to Tennessee. At least there he hadn't had  _ this  _ problem. 

* * *

He told Peter over coffee the next week when the guilt was swirling inside his stomach. "I'm so  _ so _ sorry." He apologized for what had to be the fiftieth time because even if Peter didn't look  _ upset  _ he looked like  _ something.  _

Peter laughed though and still kissed the corner of his mouth before turning back to the stove. "Well, fair is fair right?" 

"What?" 

"I guess I just have to kiss Harry now too." 

Harley thought it was a joke until Harry stumbled out of his room, silk tie hanging off his shoulders and hair perfectly in place. He spit out his coffee in shock when Peter simply grabbed Harry by the cheeks and pressed a long, gentle and possibly sinful kiss to Harry's lips before pulling back, patting him gently on the cheek and then kissing Harley too. "We're all even now." Harry blinked, clearly confused and Harley made a noise somewhere a cross between turned on and mortified. "I have to get ready for class. See you two tonight!" 

" _ What?" _ It was the highest Harley had ever heard Harry's voice go and the absolute  _ wrecked  _ way he said it only highlighted the way his pink lips were now red. 

"I…" 

"I'm so confused." 

"I'm…" Because looking at him all Harley could conjure up in his brain the image of Peter pressing his tongue against Harry's lips. He could only see the way Harry had kissed back, pliant and willing and Harley had felt  _ both  _ of their lips against his and… "I'm going to shower." 

* * *

It was months later when Harley was non-exclusively spending his mornings pressing Peter against the wall and his nights tangled with his legs between Harry's that he  _ finally  _ worked up the courage to ask Abbie about it. She was decidedly unimpressed with the situation and Harley thought himself only a little pathetic for going to his seventeen year old sister for advice. "So you're dating both of them." Abbie said with a roll of her eyes and Harley couldn't even find the energy to correct her. 

"Maybe." 

"I don't see what the problem is here, Harls." She scoffed at his wounded noise. "You like them both, you've literally gotten both of them off, and you've seen the two of them make out more than once. Sounds to me like you're all dating  _ each other."  _

Which… was sort of fair. He  _ had  _ walked in on Peter and Harry kissing more than once but it was something that none of them ever  _ talked  _ about. "But…  _ what do I do _ ?" 

"I don't know, man. Sleep with them both?" 

" _ Abbie _ !" 

"Like you haven't thought of it." 

"I… I  _ have not _ ." 

"Yeah sure." Abbie flicked her hair away from her face and fixed him with the patented Harley is Stupid look. "Listen, you're all stupidly attractive and clearly all into each other. So either get the threesome out of the way or just  _ date  _ each other." 

"I can't date  _ two people _ ." 

"What rock have you been living under? You  _ already are _ ."

It hit him like a ton of bricks. "But…" 

"And they're  _ dating each other. _ So stop playing southern belle and fuck them both already."

" _ Abbie!"  _

She hung up on him and Harley was left fuming but… thinking about it more than he wanted to admit. 

* * *

Harley realized they were all dating each other when it was mid-morning a week later. They had all piled onto Harry's bed - it was the biggest and most comfortable and his was the only room with a television that wasn't as old as they were. It was a Saturday, Peter didn't have his internship, Harley didn't have  _ his  _ internship, and Harry was ignoring the world a day after the funeral for his father. The three of them had all gone and the three of them hadn't really been away from each other for long since the news had come in. 

Peter was holding Harley's hand, fingers linked and palms pressed tight and Harry was passed out against his chest. Harley had never met Harry's father - Norman Osborn had never come by the apartment when any of them were there - but he understood the complicated emotions there. His own father had left and tried to come back only a year before. Still, Harley would never wish death on him. "Think he'll be okay?" Peter asked even as he tapped out a comforting beat against the hand Harry had curled into a fist in his shirt. 

Harley hummed and snuggled in closer, an episode of Community starting in the background. He kept his arm that wasn't tangled with Peter's hand around Harry's waist and was more than happy that he was tall enough to not only hold Harry in close but also lean over and press a kiss to Peter's lips. "He'll be okay." He said when he pulled back. 

"Yeah." Peter smiled back like he knew what Harley had just come to terms with. 

Harley was lucky, he thought when Peter hugged the two of them around the neck and kissed one and then the other. 

He was lucky, he thought when Peter pressed him down into the mattress and then kissed down his spine as he did the same thing to Harry. 

He was lucky, he thought when Harry came home from a long day at the office and sat between the two of them. 

Lucky, Harley reminded himself when  _ he _ had a bad day and he was squished between two shorter bodies with his favorite movie on the television.

How many people out there were lucky enough to get  _ both  _ guys? 

"Stop staring." Peter said with a swat of his spatula and then a soft kiss on top Harry's head where he was snoozing in Harley's lap. 

"Sorry." 

"No you're not." 

"No… I'm not." 


End file.
